you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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