I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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