i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
