You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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