rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
