So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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