My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
