somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
