why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
