She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
