I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
