I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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