Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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