In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So apparently I’m into choking now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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