i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
