Just took my morning after pill in the library
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
