Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
