Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
