try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
