Cold hands, warm shart.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
