So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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