I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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