You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We talked him into tasing himself.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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