u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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