Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
