you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Vodka?
Forever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
