Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
