I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
