I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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