I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
