he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
