You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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