I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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