Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
