is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
