we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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