...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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