i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
