I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
