She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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