3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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