oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
