He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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