He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
