If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
