its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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