this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This girl is more easily done than said...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
