i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
