i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
