I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
