Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
