the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
