and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
