I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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