I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
