yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
