i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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