trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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