Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
