I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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