Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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