he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
