Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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