never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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