dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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