i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
