using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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